http://utopianpsychosis.com If failure could be coalesced into a single website. Sat, 03 Jul 2010 15:47:18 +0000 http://backend.userland.com/rss092 en EDIT: This was not a very good story, so now it is gone. http://utopianpsychosis.com/news/monica/ For those of you who have ever loved, lost, or had your friends beat you into a coma with a baseball bat and then throw you down the stairs. http://utopianpsychosis.com/uncategorized/peter-cottontail/ Bill and Sarah were walking side by side down the riverwalk, holding hands, but not each others. The real owners of the hands sat grumpily 800 yards away in a science fiction themed pub called "The Geronimo", frowning listlessly at the twisted stubs and wondering just how they were going ... http://utopianpsychosis.com/news/holdin-hands/ This is an old story, but my e-friend Matthew Doyle convinced me to bring it out of retirement. And by retirement I mean the "maybe throw away at some point in the future" folder on my hard drive. I am a mighty dinosaur, and I am sinking into a tar ... http://utopianpsychosis.com/news/i-mighty-dinosaur/ I roll my eyes lazily around the speckled ceiling tiles, replaying the incident in the Mexican Grocers and Eateria earlier that day in my mind. A tie wrapped around a detective's neck opens the door and walks in. The detective smiles genially. "Mr. Cole?" I perk up to inform him that ... http://utopianpsychosis.com/news/fuck-tha-polic/ I was cutting a rug in the basement of the Misplaced Genital Fuzz Rash to forget my troubles when a girl of appropriate height and requisite weight did some unknowable type of boogaloo over to me. We exchanged nods. The music was a blaring death-moan of a beluga whale being ... http://utopianpsychosis.com/news/whale-call/ I spend most of my day sitting in a chair, I realize, sitting in a chair. The light glints through the window, reflecting off my coffee mug, casting a small square of light on my chest. Why do I stand for this, I think? I am an adult. I am ... http://utopianpsychosis.com/news/chairs-suck/ I straighten my skirt, lining it up exactly to the horizontal red line from the laser square I set up on the dining room table, splaying across my legs like a hairline gash. I go to my bedroom to put on my earrings and inject myself with 20cc of detomidine. ... http://utopianpsychosis.com/news/detomidine-and-camel-hair/ So I bet you're all wondering what I've been up to lately. The answer is, of course, playing a lot of Mass Effect. And by "playing", I mean "dying", and by "of" I mean "in". I'm not exactly the best battle strategist, I guess. Probably why I never got into ... http://utopianpsychosis.com/news/words-of-wisdom-fry-my-little-etymology/ Too soon? http://utopianpsychosis.com/news/long-live-the-king/